last christmas. i would give anything to go back to this. everything was so perfect during this time.
i would have died for you.
this always seems to happen to me. i find someone truly remarkable, fall deeply in love, have an amazing run, and then fuck it all up. i’m always, always the one to blame. when i was younger it would be because i was too afraid of commitment, then it was my lack of commitment, and with you, well, i really don’t know what happened to be honest. we’ve been through some good times, and some not so good times. depressing that it had to end this way, and for that, i feel awful. i guess i was just too afraid to lose you, and i ended up hurting myself way more than you ever could. i swear with every fiber of my being i never meant to do this to you, to put your career in jeopardy because of my selfishness. i miss you more than you could possibly imagine. you were my happiness, my support, my rock. you were everything. you taught me so much and i can never thank you enough for that. i can’t say i don’t know how i’ll go on without you, because i know i will. i’ve been through this before. the hardest part for me is how i lost my best friend. my absolute best friend, you kept me sane here. and now i have three more months to go, without you.
it’s all just one big learning experience, and i’m stronger because of it.
It is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers of feeling. When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters any more. It is the end of happiness and the beginning of peace.
